"The Secretions are men of peace in a world of mayhem. They are poets and onanists and bloodsucking freaks. They are punk rock."

- Joe Queer of the Queers
Secretions' items Go to Secretions' photostream

Friday, June 13, 2008


8:30 am - As I write this, our favorite punk rockers are at the KCRA studio. There is no TV at my work, so I'm shit out of luck. If anyone out there IS watching, please email me at crystalsecretin@gmail.com to let me know what's going on. I texted the guys asking them to update me when they can. I'll pass everything I get along here and continue updating this post as the day progresses. Consider me Ground Control.

Matt DGAF sent me these two camera phone shots of them playing...well, actually it looks like they're pretending to play but that's just as good. You can see a whole gang of Secretins in the background. And another shot of Tony Silva and Travis Latrine. I don't know what they're doing but it looks like more fun than I'm having right now.

Text from Mickie: "We just played cemetary pogo and the secretins played cowbell on jolt cans."

Text from Travis Latrine: "Danny wants to talk to Vince McMahon."

9:00 am

Text from Mickie: "We're getting ready to record She's a Robot for the TV website."

In case you've been under a rock lately, She's a Robot is a brand new song written by Mickie after he was inspired by something random Kepi said at one of his Monday night shows. Kepi...say something random? Never! I can sense your disbelief but just remember, I would never joke about something like that.

And this shot from Matt DGAF of Danny playing with an anchorwoman next to him. I wonder how fat of a stick the Secretions threw into the anchor people's respective spokes today. Was she just blinking and smiling or was she praying she isn't fired? Time will tell.

9:30 am

I received this awesome write-up of the Secretion television performance, as well as a gang of images from Secretins who were on the scene (they bombarded me and almost froze my damn phone, actually). You can click here to view the entire album, and don't forget to check for updates throughout the day.

"Hey Crystal,

I managed to get up and watch the Secretions performance on KQCA.

The first clip they showed was of "Computerhead". They next showed a clip of "Zombie Girl".

When they first talked to the band (after Danny was shoving the CD into the camera frame), they then went into "Viva La Lucha Libre". One of the next clips was of "Cemetary Pogo", then "Fired For A Living".

Now the next song clip, I don't know what it was, but it involved some of the Secretins off to the side as "hostages". Secretins who were there included Tony Silva, Lys Mayo, Freak, Lexy, Travis Latrine, and Jack Heart along with Matt DGAF, who looked like some sort of Secretin-ringleader in his black suit.

During the show, there was a satelite interview with WWE chairman, Vince McMahon, to which the newcasters said, "Vince, we have a band here called 'The Secretions' and they just held up a sign saying 'Tell Vince we love him.'"

They closed their set by playing "Trouble maker".

Cheers, Joe"

10:30 am

I texted the guys to ask them their thoughts on the whole TV experience.

Text from Paul: "Surreal."

Text from Mickie: "It was a lot of fun. They were really impressed that we brought fans because no one else ever has. They were really nice to us and seemed to like our show. It was cool."

Text from Danny: "I got to indirectly tell Vince McMahon of the WWE that I love him!"

Now they're at Paul's house and Paul is making potatoes for all of them...in a french maid's outfit (per Danny). Can't say I'm surprised.

11:00 am

My58 has already posted some stuff about the Secretions!

Secretions being interviewed a little bit, then playing Viva la Lucha Libre.

Secretions playing Troublemaker.

Ok, and there's one of She's a Robot but for some reason all it will show me is an allergy commercial...but there ARE dancing brooms, and I'm kind of ok with that.

Update: Tony Silva found this on YouTube so I didn't have to go looking for it. Thanks!

Text from Mickie: "Travis and Tony were talking while the newcasters were on air so Danny made them put tape on their mouths so they would shut up." That explains the tape picture above. And here I just thought they were performing freaky sex acts.

11:30 am

The look on Vince McMahon's face when he heard the name "Secretions" reminded me of the part in Rock n Roll High School when Principal Togar says, "does your mother know you're a ramone?!" He looks like someone just goosed him or something.


And here's Vince's face after he found out the Secretions love him. Instant anime character.

It's almost noon now so they're probably already at Capitol Public Radio, their next stop on todays crazy train.

Noon! Just got a picture message from Matt.

They're on their way to KWOD right now!

You can listen live on your computer if you go to KWOD's website and sign up for a club account. Or you can tune your radio to 106.5 - the easy way. I don't have a radio at work so I had to join the club. They're playing something shitty right now - SHOCK! (BTW, they anounced it, it was Pennywise) They also announced that the Secretions will be coming on, I'm just not exactly sure what time.


Just got a text from Danny saying they're supposed to be on KWOD in the next ten minutes. I'm sitting here eating sushi and waiting. I'll keep you posted on what's going on as it happens.

Got a couple picture messages from Matt showing them getting ready to play in the KWOD studio. Here's one, you can see the other one here.


Here's a summary of the KWOD appearance by Ryan Radical, because he's way less scatterbrained than I am right now.

"The Secretions were let into the KWOD Studio at about quarter to one. They chatted with Andy Hawk about how they are the first guests ever on the NEW Punk Rock Academy lunch show. Next, Andy announced the winner of two Reverend Horton Heat tickets for their show at Empire. The winner turned out to be Jordan Wolfe’s girlfriend. Danny began bragging about how he knows her and that she once made him a doll made of bacon that had a goatee.

They took a short break and Andy cued up Punk Rock Girls by the Queers and then some Anti-Flag. The Secretions then came back on the air and discussed their love for Vince McMann and how their live TV appearance on My 58 went earlier that morning. Next, they promoted the park show and described each of the three other bands sharing the bill with them. They plugged Final Summation’s new CD, A New Approach and said, of course, that it could be picked up at the park show. Andy then recalled once watching wrestling with Danny and how he was jealous when Kurt Angle kissed his wife, Brooke (before they were married).

The Secretions then finished off the show by playing an acoustic version of Fired for a Living (which sounded amazing) complete with sound effects from Mickie Rat as part of the Diet Punk segment of Punk Rock Academy.

-Ryan Radical"

Text from Freak: "I always lol when they fuck up the lyrics to their own songs. I love those boys."

2:00 pm

Just heard from Mickie a few minutes ago that they were on their way to Capitol Public Radio, so they're probably there by now.

Mickie told me yesterday that they're doing a fifteen minute segment on this guy's show. I wonder what his face is going to look like when they walk in! The Secretions are also now showing up on the Capital Public Radio schedule, they're on right after "My Miserable Lonely Lesbian Pregnancy". Sounds about right to me. You can listen to them by clicking the "listen live" button on this page. They'll be on KXJZ 90.9

Here's something kind of funny. There is a Scottish three-piece also being featured on the show today (right before the miserable lesbian) that I totally forgot about. When I was listening to the host announcing what was going to be on the show that day, he mentioned something about "welcoming a Celtic three piece..." and I was like, "oh fuck, what did Dan tell them to get on the show?" Then I realized I'm just silly.

2:45 - Jeff Callison had a couple of questions for them, I've tried my damndest to paraphrase them.

No surprises here, but the first thing Jeff wanted to know was why they called themselves the Secretions. Danny joked that they had chosen the name because one of the original members (DJ Willis - RIP) couldn't stand it. Mickie added that they had all been into 1950s rock n roll at the time, and kind of wanted to be like the Temptations, but more foul.

Jeff also wanted to know why Danny took the last name Secretion and Mickie called himself Mickie Rat. Danny explained that it makes it easier to plug your band (instead of saying, Danny FROM the Secretions), and it's a tip of the hat to the Ramones, who all go by the same last name. Mickie said, "I go by Mickie Rat because in high school I wore a lot of Mickey Mouse Tshirts, and the punk version of Mickey Mouse is Mickey Rat (also a 1970s comic)".

Then they played an acoustic version of their brand new song, She's a Robot, to "give everyone a taste of the direction they are heading in". Jeff seemed to like it and plugged their park show, started to talk about their third Sammie nomination (and possible win). Danny explained about how proud he is to be nominated for Sammies, but it's difficult to compete against friends he's known for years, sometimes decades. He'd rather win one more year and get it over with than continue to go up against his favorite local bands every year.

The cut to a clip of "That Kinda Girl" right before the guitar solo and Jeff said, "Paul, you start off kind of surf, then turn into Sex Pistols, why did you do that?" Paul responded that they are influenced by and drawn to so many different styles and thought, "hey why not combine them?"

This led into Danny talking about how Paul speaks their language in terms of songwriting. Like, when they say, 'play it so it sounds more like 'weee wee wee weee" he knows that they're talking about and plays it that way, without needing a technical term or a demonstration.

Then we heard a clip of Viva la Lucha Libra and Jeff asked what Lucha Libre is, and why did Danny write a song about it. Danny responded that he's good friends with masked wrestlers, and it's part of his Mexican culture. It's the only art form that made it to the poor communities in Mexico, and it's a big part of who he is.

Then Jeff mentioned that he'd read on their myspace page that they weren't playing as many shows lately, and asked Mickie why. Mickie said, 'we've been around for ten years, if we play a show every week we will get taken for granted. We want to make the few shows they play REALLY count, for us and for the bands we play with. If you try to get a show together with an out of town band, you want people to come to THAT show, not the free show you're going to play a couple days later.'

It was a really good interview and they sounded great!

Next stop - Concert in the Park.

Be sure to stop by the Deranged Designs table and help Annie out. Here's a message she posted on myspace a few minutes ago.

"unfortunately i was not able to finish all the custom secretions merch that i will be selling because in a caffeine induced frenzy while trying to change the thread colors I BROKE MY FUCKING SERGER A VITAL METAL PIECE SNAPPED OFF OF IT AND I WANT TO KILL MYSELF NOW!!!! anyways ok it was only one shirt i had left. but still this sucks so bad. no serger=no working=no money whatsoever for me. so, buy some custom merch and shit because the money will first go straight to my gas tank to drive out to the fucking suburbs on 4.50 gallon gas to get my serger fixed tomorrow and then the rest of the money will go to getting the serger fixed. god fucking dammit. i'll probably be out of work for a week."

The stuff she was able to finish is adorable and awesome. Buy it all.

After that, Old Ironsides. Jerry posted some details about tonights show, I've reposted them below.

"Tonight - Friday, June 13 @ Old Ironsides
The Enlows, Secretions, We Prick You, Knock Knock
9:30 / $6 / 21 & Over

Take note: Knock Knock is opening @ 9:30!!!!! They were scheduled to headline, but now they are opening, so get out early. Also... This is Knock Knock's last show for a while. Guitarist Heather is very, very preggers, and maternity leave is right around the corner... In fact, having them open rather than headline is our way of slightly decreasing the odds that she'll birth right on the Old I stage...

After Knock Knock... the always great... the always gonzo... We Prick You!

Then comes the Secretions in what will be (honestly) their 4th or 5th show of the day. They're coming straight from their show in Cesar Chavez Plaza (with Baby!, The No Good-niks, and Final Summation!!!)

And finally... The Enlows closing out this great night of rock-n-roll... and all for six bucks?!?!"



Mickie Rat said...

The song that Joe didn't know what it was, it was TV Casualty by the Misfits. We thought it would be funny to play that on TV. ----Mickie Rat.

Travis Latrine said...

aww my park show revue isnt up yet