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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Ask Paul - Pooping Your Pants?

Dear Paul,

I just finished watching the new Mythbusters about stun guns and it got me wondering...can a stun gun make you poo yourself?

- KK Bunnyhat

P.S. What is in your hair?

Dear KK,

OK, now this is not definitive, but the mechanics involved point to more towards no than yes, but it's close.

It's based around how stun guns work. Unlike the electricity supplied to, say, your house, stun guns deliver high voltage at a low amperage, where domestic electricity has a high amperage. Basically, it's a big initial push, but no follow-through, like being hit by a really big pillow (whereas house AC would be like getting hit by a car).

When applied to a body, high-voltage low-amperage electricity causes signals to and from the brain to become disrupted enough to either/or A) cause pain B) immobilize muscular control C) exhaust muscles by causing the muscle to spasm. Option C) is what were looking at here in the case of taser-induced defecation, as it would require a good amount of muscle spasm in the.. uh... lower regions, to make a...uhh...doodie...

Unfortunately, the voltage coming from a taser also alternates, and is not a continuos voltage, making very random muscle spams, rather than just causing the muscle to contract. So, no. Your bowels might get shaky, but poops not gonna go shooting out of your butt if you get hit with a taser.

...I can see where a very inebriated wino would probably poop themselves, but they poop themselves anyways. (kinda sounds like the "a tree falls in the woods" argument; "If a vagrant craps himself while being stun-gunned, is it any different than when they usually crap themselves?")

Also, did you know you can make a stun-gun from a disposable camera flash? Trust me, they ****ing hurt!

- Paul

Email crystalsecretin@gmail.com to submit questions, or if you want to know how to make a dispoable camera into a stun gun. Otherwise, have a great week and try not to crap yourself!

1 comment:

Spooge the Clown said...

I want to know how to make a dispoable camera into a stun gun! That sounds fun!