"The Secretions are men of peace in a world of mayhem. They are poets and onanists and bloodsucking freaks. They are punk rock."

- Joe Queer of the Queers
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Friday, July 19, 2013

Secretions at Red Hat in Concord tomorrow!

And Now, To the Present! This weekend we are playing at the Red Hat in Concord at a special birthday rocknroll celebration for our friend Hayley! If  you're anywhere near Concord, don't miss it, it's gonna be fun!


Masked Intruder August 4!

BUT! Way before that, in just 14 days from now, there is what will probably be the coolest pop-punk show this year at Luigi's Fun Garden. We are honored to be playing this show, it's gonna be a really fun time. Get there a bit early and have a nice bit o' pizza before the show!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Joe Johnston is a Genius!!

Hey Secretins, I've been listening to a super secret rough mix of the live recording of the Secretions' 11/26/2011 Boardwalk show, and it sounds amazing! We sound like the f'n Ramones on Loco Live or something!! Maybe it's dumb to be excited about a live recording of your own band, but I've never claimed to be anything but nerdy like that. Hopefully we should have something ready to go by summer, so be patient.

In other recording news, we are still not finished with the new EP that we are recording at Dutch Oven Studio in Oakland. Master Engineer Craigums is expecting a new addition to the family soon and might have to take some time off to be with the lil' bugger so work may be delayed until May or so, but I think it will be ready in time for Summer tour 2011, so get excited! If all goes as planned you will have TWO new Secretions recordings to assault your ears! Stay tuned Secretins, and Keep On Suckin!  <--- I came up with that just now, and I'll be snickering nerdily to myself for the rest of the day about it. mickierat out!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

My Halloween Costume

I always pick halloween costumes that are awesome to be but no one else gets them. Philip J. Fry, Booga, random space bounty hunter, etc. I usually like it to be a surprise so I can see who gets it, but that gets frustrating. So this year, I'll explain it in advance so that I don't have to explain it 452304958 times during the night. Some of you cool punx will get it, some won't, I'm not gonna think less of you if you don't, just don't ask me and say, OH MAN THAT'S A COOL COSTUME!, then be done with the discussion. Okay, here's some hints:

I'll be the guy in the red shirt whose first name rhymes with sitar and last name rhymes with gulf. Paste that shit into google and figure it out, k?

Secretions at Callson Manor Friday October 14!

Secretions are playing at Callson Manor Haunted House this Friday, October 14! We will be playing on the Living Dead stage with a few of our friends' bands! Check it out:

Callson Manor

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Rock It: To Italy!

Here is our final tour itinerary for Italy, eight crazy days of rock. We're basically getting off the plane at 5PM and being driven directly to the first show. It’s going to be the hardest working fun we’ve ever had!

4/14 THU - Fly to Pisa, Italy
4/15 FRI – @Skaletta Rock Club – La Spezia
4/16 SAT - @Taun - Fidenza (PR)
4/17 SUN-@TBC- Forli
4/18 MON - @Titty Twister - Villadossola (VB)
4/19 TUE - @Lucrezia - Genova
4/20 WED – @Blue Rose – Bresso (MI)
4/21 THU - @Lab 16 - Bologna
4/22 FRI - @MP3 - Monticelli (PC)

4/23 SAT- Fly to U.S.A.

In other amazing news, we just found out that we got added to some dates on the Queers/Apers tour for June, which is huge for us.  For those of you who don’t know, the Queers are a legendary Boston punk rock band and the Apers are a legendary punk rock band from the Netherlands. Here's the dates we are playing on.

6/17 FRI - Sacramento CA @ The Blue Lamp
6/19 SUN - Stockton CA @ Plea For Peace
6/20 MON -San Luis Obispo CA @ Downtown Brew
6/22 WED - Las Vegas NV @ The Divebar
6/23 THU - Scottsdale AZ @ Chaser's
6/24 FRI - Long Beach CA @ Alex's Bar
6/25 SAT - San Diego CA @ Shakedown

The year looks full of adventure for The Secretions, which is just fine with me. I’ve never been to Europe, so I’m a bit nervous that everyone will hate Americans or all the food will be full of meat or something irrelevantly terrible like that. No matter what it’s going to be fun, because it’s happening in a place we have never been to before, which is pretty much the definition of adventure for me. Wish us luck and stay tuned for more posts from the road. I’m paying the extra fees to be able to use my EyePhone over in Italy so I can blog about all the craziness.

Also, if you still have a buck or two to donate to the money-sucking venture that is our Italian tour, you can do so here. Thanks for all your support and everything you do for us, our fans are the best!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Post: Apocalypse

The bicycle that I have ridden for the last fifteen years is named Apocalypse, and it is my most favorite mode of transport that I have ever owned. It is a black and blue 1957 Schwinn Spitfire ladies’ step-thru cruiser, and it looks like it barely survived a nuclear blast, which is only one of the reasons I love it. I got it in 1994 from my then-girlfriend Julie The Bruce’s mom Susan. Susan lived in Red Bluff, CA and the bike had been mouldering in her garage for who knows how long. She told me she used it to ride to her college classes in Weed in the late 1960s so I knew the bike was old, plus just looking at it, you can tell.

When I first saw my beloved Schwinn, there was an old grouchy cat perched on the ancient wide cruiser seat. The hateful feline hissed at me as I shooed it away and I was disgusted to find about five years worth of matted cat hair caked on the seat. Apparently this was the cat’s favorite sleeping spot and it was pissed at me for interrupting its quiet time. I expressed admiration for the grand old piece of machinery and Susan promptly offered it to me, saying she hadn’t ridden it in at least ten years. I loaded it into my old Chevy tour van and took it home to fix it up.

The bike had definitely seen its share of wear. It had a million little dings and dents, but every piece on it was of original stock. It looked like it had been blue originally, but someone had spray painted it black. Perhaps Susan had gone through a bohemian phase in college and hated the bright robin’s-egg-blue original Schwinn paint job, who knows, I never found out why. The black paint job was starting to chip and flake away, making the bicycle mostly black with blue specks. This was fine with me because it made me think of my favorite album of the time, GI by the Germs. I scraped all the gross cat hair off the seat to find a badly decayed seat cover. The foam was old and dry but still there, so I just wrapped an old punk t-shirt around it and called it good. Both tires were flat but in good shape with original 1957 pinstriping on the time-yellowed white painted rims. I replaced the tubes and pumped up the tires and it was good to go.

The bicycle was a little small for me, being a ladies bike, but I made it work. I preferred the ladies step-thru style crossbars because honestly, who wants to bust your balls on a cross bar every time you have to slam on your brakes to keep from getting hit by some ignorant driver? The stock handlebars were a little low as well, even though I had raised the stem all the way up. This soon became a non-issue, as the stock handlebars broke in half about four months later. I was kind of screwed, because at this point I was practically homeless, paying $38 a month to live in a closet inside a barn on 24th and J and I didn’t have any extra money. Luckily, I was dumpster diving a few days later and found a pair of apehanger handlebars in a dumpster behind a bike shop. I put them on and they fit perfectly, plus they allowed me to raise the seat up even more, making the bike the actual proper height for my 6 foot 4 frame. I know it looked a bit silly, but I really didn’t give a shit, still don’t. I hadn’t given the bike a name yet, so I decided to name it Apocalypse, because it looked like it had been through one, plus it was hilarious to me in a really geeky sort of way. I’ll let you figure that one out.

Apocalypse has served me well for many years despite the many times I’ve wrecked on it, jumped it off of curbs and launched it off of makeshift ramps in my idiotic attempts to emulate Evel Knievel. We have gone on many adventures together. She has helped me block the streets of Midtown Sacramento in Critical Mass rides, rocket down the hills of San Diego during Comicon 2008, and we may have even appeared on the cover of a legendary punk rock band's CD together. She’s broken a few of my bones and I’ve broken her pedals, dented her fenders and snapped a few of her chains, but we’re still together and hopefully always will be.

You can still occasionally see me flying down the streets of Midtown Sacto on my way to or from work on my trusty steed Apocalypse. If you do, honk and wave and try not to run us over.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Monday, February 28, 2011

In less cryptic news, here's the crazy party we have planned for this weekend. I'll be back next monday to answer the question: WHO WILL SURVIVE?!!

More later as news develops.