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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Ask Paul: How Do I Tell a Girl I Like Her?

I know I've slacked on posting the "Ask Paul" column these last couple weeks, but hey - it's not like you assholes are paying me (actually, since I post most of this from work, I guess you can thank the Great State of California).

This week, we have a question about love. Normally, I wouldn't recommend taking anyone's advice about love, because everyone's relationships and personalities are so different (that's the nice way of saying "fucked up in their own special ways") but considering how beautiful, smart, talented, and funny Paul's girlfriend is, I guess it's safe to assume the guy knows SOMETHING!

Now, for the question of the week:

I like a girl but don't know how to tell her, or even if I should. Your advice?

Chicks are psychic, man. She probably already knows...which means she also knows that you buried your dead cat behind the pine tree in the back yard when you were twelve, that you like to smell your own farts, and that you have already jerked a few to a picture you keep of her in your wallet...errr, not that I'd know any of that stuff either.

*ahem* ...moving on...

I'd say just keep acting like you like her. Chicks totally dig sissies that follow them around like puppies. Oh... and they also like it when you get jealous about stuff.

OK, fer realsies though, just be you, and be interested in her, and if she doesn't reciprocate, move on. No sense in breaking your own heart over someone that doesn't even like you that way. I've seen it happen waaaay too often.

So yeah, just stay calm, and relaxed, and just be yourself when you're around her and if it happens, it happens.

...Oh, and stop trying to buy Spanish Fly on the internet. That stuff doesn't work.

Speaking from a girl's perspective, I'd say Paul is right on with this answer. Except that I would add that if you are open about liking her and she doesn't reciprocate, you should probably punch her in the cooter (that's a JOKE kids, cooter punching is only ok in the heat of the moment). Other than that though, Paul's right. Hmm, guess he does know everything.

If any of you ever want to see another "Ask Paul" again, send your questions to crystalsecretin@gmail.com, or myspace them to me, or text them to me, or just go fuck yourself (always an option).


Lys. said...

Personally I want to punch guys in the balls when they follow me around and I don't like them. And they KNOW I don't like them. That shit is no good.

Xtal Case said...

Well if they KNOW you don't like them and still follow you around, it just turns into sexual harassment and you have a case. If they don't know, it's just them being stupid.


Krissi's Stitchery said...

By Jove, I think Paul's on to something here!

vanessa said...

Aw. It's like I'm dating Yoda. He is so wise, so true. The force is strong with this one... For the record, I DID know about all the dead animals he buried. *wink*