"The Secretions are men of peace in a world of mayhem. They are poets and onanists and bloodsucking freaks. They are punk rock."

- Joe Queer of the Queers
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Thursday, June 26, 2008

Danny's Tour Update: "YOU WANNA GET YOUR FRIEND OUT OF JAIL?"

Danny wrote this awesome tour journal entry for us! It's fucking hilarious! Enjoy!

"I'm sitting here in the amazing home of "Kepi-fan extraordinaire" Aunt Fran somewhere near Philadelphia PA. So far we have played 3 shows on this tour and each has been nothing short of amazing.


Our tour started off at the Sacramento Airport. Kepi and Dino were already back East touring on the Asian Man Records tour with Lemuria, Andrew Jackson Jihad, Bomb The Music Industry, and The Queers. Jaz Brown, Lys Mayo and I were flying out to Connecticut to meet up with them. Since money is always in issue with touring punk bands, we chose the cheapest flight possible which included two 3-hour layovers in Charlotte N.C. and Philadelphia PA. I decided to start the tour off right with a beer the size of my head at the Sacramento Airport bar. We loaded in pretty unscathed despite the fact that I was packing some extra merch in my gigantic suitcase that weighed over 63 pounds and had to pay an exrta $50 in order to load it. Our first flight took off at 10:30pm from Sacramento and was about a 4-hour flight. Despite the late hour of this flight, I don't think the three of us got any sleep as we were all still too giddy about the upcoming tour.


Our first stop in Charlotte N.C. got us into Charlotte at about 6am Charlotte time...3am body time. Everything out of Jaz's mouth had me in hysterics, nothing too out of the ordinary there, but the lack of sleep had me extra goofy and his wit was extra sharp with sleep deprivation. We paid way too much for watered-down eggs and found a nice cozy area by our terminal gate to take a much-needed nap.


9am boarding for the next flight...6am body time. Even though this leg of our trip was only 1 hour and 40 minutes long, I think I got the best sleep on this flight. Next stop, the city of brotherly love!


We arrive in Philadelphia PA at about 11am Philly time...8am body time. The walk to our next terminal gate consisted of walking about 1 mile to get to a shuttle to pack like sardines with about 75 other weary travelers, then we get to what is known as "Terminal F" (a bad sign according to my teacher instinct) where we have to walk about another mile to get to our gate. Christ on a crutch this airport is HUGE!!!!! When we get there, we quickly find our napping quarters right next to the terminal gate at the furthest end of the ominous terminal F. Jaz gets up and informs us that it's time for his next cigarette break. In order to smoke, he needs to take his ticket and ID and basically leave the terminal via mile-long walk, smoke, and then go through all the rigors of airport security. Lys and I stayed behind and were desperately trying to catch up on some sleep. Let me tell you about Lys Mayo's sleep patterns: she closes her eyes, she falls asleep. I'm a fairly quick sleeper myself but this girl is fucking ridiculous! Anyway, I finally doze off to a weird dream state. At one point of the dream a strange woman is calling me "Dannyleez". Again she calls my name even louder "DANNYLEEZ". I kinda open my eyes to hear the terminal gate announcer calling on her intercom "Danny and Lys please report to terminal F-19". I groggily made my way over and ask if she called me, I'm still half asleep.


Danny: Did you call my name?
Terminal Woman: Are you flying to Rochester?
D: No, but did you call my name?
T.W.: Are you flying to Rochester?!
D: Huh? No. I thought you called my name. Sorry.
T.W.: These men need to speak to you.


I turned to my right to see two of the biggest airport security guys in my life! Arms crossed. Eyes fixed on me. Sneers. Not happy men.


Security Monster: You wanna get your friend Jaz out of jail?
Danny: Whathta? Wha happeh?!!! (still half asleep)


The guards break character and kinda start laughing and inform me that Jaz is just stuck outside because he forgot his I.D. I could already tell this tour was going to be one for the books!


We finally board our plane for our final leg of this trip. Let me tell you about this plane in two simple sentences: IT WAS SMALL. IT HAD PROPELLERS. I didn't think they still had planes with propellers. Oh well, it was good enough for Ritchie Valens, it's good enough for me...wait a minute!


We ariive in New Haven CT to what has to be the tiniest airport in the United States. We take about 20 steps to get our luggage and about 3 more steps to go to the car rental terminal. I was having problems getting our rental car. For some reason, my information wasn't showing up in their computers. I was getting quite pissed. It had been a loooooong flight and I guess the steam coming from my ears was making the little man behind the counter a bit nervous. He shuffled through a drawer of keys, suddenly "fixed" the problem and issued me my ECONOMY car rental. I wanted a small economy car because it was less expensive and would not use as much gas. He told me my ECONOMY car would be located in parking space #3. I walk a few more steps to the parking lot and looked for space #3. I couldn't for the life of me find space #3. I started to get irritated. Jaz and Lys had been through the same flights as me and I felt bad about making them wait even longer back at the terminal. I decided to click the "emergency" button on the keys to see if I could make the horn of our car honk. When I pressed the button, the horn to a brand new Ford Mustang went off. A Ford Mustang! I come screeching to a halt in from of my jaw-dropped bandmates and announce "I don't think this is economy car". We figured out a way to load our luggage and guitars into the tiny space that is the trunk. Basically Lys took the back seat and was covered in musical instruments.


We made it to Hanford CT for the final show of The Asian Man Records Tour. Jaz, Lys, and I each made a special guest appearance on drums for Kepi and Dino. It was a blast but the three of us were so tired that we quickly made our way back to our hotel room to sleep.


Damn! I realized that I written a lot and haven't even gotten to show #1 of the tour. I've been hogging this computer so let me give you the Cliff Notes version of the shows.


Show #1...New York City
*Painted art to sell at a gallery. Mine didn't sell but I painted my very first piece of art! I was super excited until I found out that everyone else in the band had sold theirs by the end of the night. Art critics!
*Played a semi-acoustic set to the people at the art gallery.
*Kepi showed us where CBGBs used to be and where Arturo Vega's art loft was. (Arturo Vega was known as the 5th Ramone).
*We thought a guy was going to kick our ass until we realized he was wondering why we were pointing at HIS home. He was Arturo's loft-mate.
*I GOT TO FUCKING WALK INTO ARTURO VEGA'S ART LOFT!! JOEY LIVED HERE! DEE DEE LIVED HERE! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!! Life is complete. Take me now heavenly father.


Show #2...New York Harbor
*Played a fucking boat with the Queers!
*Tons of people going nuts!
*1st time this band has played electric in about a month and a half and we fucking KILLED!!!!!
*Photo included.


Show #3...Asbury Park New Jersey
*Played a bowling alley!
*Dez Cadena from Black Flag stood up front and watched our whole set!
*Half of The Bouncing Souls were there!
*2nd show with The Colytons from Australia. SUPER COOL GUYS!!!!!!


The Bandt:
*Jaz Brown has had me in stitches the whole time.
*Kepi is a fucking madman onstage.
*Dino is the Kepi-Catalog-Encyclopedia.
*Lys is doing great for her first tour ever.
*I hate looking like a real douche driving a Ford Mustang.


In short, I miss my girlfriend, my mom, my dog, my cats, and my friends terribly but I'm having a blast on this tour! Everyone is laughing and getting along great. Kepi is the man! He keeps this ship running smoothly. The Groovie Ghoulies fans have been super supportive at each show. It's great seeing their faces light up when they see us playing. I'm still giddy about this whole experience.


Rock on everyone! See you soon!
Danny"

1 comment:

Joe Friday said...

DEZ CADENA?!?!?! HOLY SHIT!!!