"The Secretions are men of peace in a world of mayhem. They are poets and onanists and bloodsucking freaks. They are punk rock."

- Joe Queer of the Queers
Secretions' items Go to Secretions' photostream

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Secretions at TGI Fridays for the First (and last) Time!

Last night the Secretions rocked the shit out of TGI Fridays (probably literally, but I think it was more of the food giving people the shits than anything). They went on around 10:00 and played to a gaggle of Secretins, including a group who hitch-hiked down from Redding, and a shocked bunch of TGIF patrons. They were there for Andy Hawk from KWOD 106.5's "Sounds of Sac" show. Doesn't "Sounds of Sac" just seem a little too Secretions appropriate?

Mostly everyone there seemed to like their music, everyone from the old bat sitting near the door to the bartender to the "bra" in the backward hat sitting at the bar with his fake baked girlfriend. But they ended up getting the boot from the owner/manager on their second to last song (Boner) and I'm pretty sure acoustic nights at TGIF aren't going to become a new thing. Here's what cracks me up about that...

Danny kicked off the evening by dropping the F bomb into the microphone about five times before they even started their first song. They played "Three Chords and a Fuck You", "Freaks Like Us", "Fired for a Living", and "Hippie Stoner" (among many other highly offensive songs) with their army of caffeinated Secretins shouting the words along with them (imagine how Freaks Like Us sounded - it was incredible) with special emphasis on every single curse word. It was literally like thunder in there, if thunder shouted things like, "fuck you you fucking fuck" and "you fucking faggot". The volume level made the kids at the live shows look like pussies with laryngitis. I think we might have shattered a couple of bar glasses. Go us.

About halfway through the set, Danny said, "you know what I heard about Ruben at KWOD? He's a racist and he hates black people. This goes out to Ruben..." then they launched into "The KKK Took My Baby Away" by the Ramones. I started looking around, half expecting some pissed off black man to be charging through the restaurant, knocking tables out of his way to go beat Dan's ass.

Danny also peppered the entire set with shit talking about the restaurant, the radio station, and everything else he could think of.

Through all of this, the manager did nothing and let them keep playing. It was only when they were halfway through "Boner" (the first non-swearing song of the night) that she marched up to Andy Hawk, snatched his scrawny arm in her vice-like talon, and started shaking him and shouting into his ear and making frantic motions for them to stop. Andy, who probably lost his job today, convinced her to let them finish the song.

Is it just me, or is that VERY FUCKING WEIRD?

PS - I decided to humor them and ordered a smoked salmon salad. The salmon tasted like it had been smoked in my cast (which smells like seven weeks worth of unwashed foot funk, BTW) and I got the runs just looking at it. I paid $9.00 to take three bites of shit. Ah well, $9.00 lesson well learned.

Moral of the story:

1. Don't eat at TGI Fridays. It's fuckin' gross.

2. It's ok to swear as much as you want and talk about racism and offend everyone present, but god fucking forbid you talk about getting a boner.

3. Those kids that came out from Redding are badass. Hats off to them.

If you took video or pictures at this show, PLEASE let me know (cough cough *Matt DGAF and Lys Mayo* cough cough).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

She actually came up during "3 Chords and a Fuck you" also, which is why Danny was talking about how none of their songs had any swear words after that one (A blatant lie! The rapscallion!).