What Is A Secretin?

I don't know how many myspace messages I recieved from pretentious motherfuckers who are like, "oh .. um.. haha i think u spelled secretions wrong...dummy." No. I did not spell Secretions wrong. You fuck.

A couple of years ago, back when my friends and I were all young and stupid, we decided the Secretions needed a street team to help support them and get the word out about shows. There was a core group of us, maybe about fifteen kids, who were into it and committed. We used to drive around and flyer nonstop for hours. We'd work merch at the shows and help carry in equipment. We made buttons, we made shirts, we even showed our tits.

I wanted Secretions fans to have a name that wasn't as cheesy as "Secrete-aholic" or as unimaginative as "Secretions Fans". At the time, we were listening nonstop The Ramones and one of my favorite Ramones songs has always been "Cretin". Since "Cretin" is sort of part of "Secretions", I thought it would be funny to name the street team the Secretins.

Thus the name was born.

On the Secretions myspace, a Secretin is defined by Danny Secretion as:

1. a devoted fan of the punk rock band The Secretions.
2. a caffeine addicted youth with a knack for homemade clothing.
3. a person who will never be prom king or queen...and is THANKFUL for it.
4. a fan who makes fun their #1 priority.
5. a person who is shown mass amount of gooey love and affection from Mickie Rat, Paul Filthy, and Danny Secretion.

Soon after the Secretins were formed, we literally took Sacramento by storm. I think it's safe to say we flyered every man, woman, and child at least once.

As a result, we sold out the first all ages matinee at Old Ironsides and helped keep the Secretions buzz going.

We used to go to Secretions bar shows, even though none of us were even close to twenty one, and sit outside and have picnics. Seriously, we'd order a pizza and bring some Jolt and blankets and just hang out in front of bars and play spin the bottle. We were respectful and stayed out of the way, so the bouncers were really cool to us and would even let us use the bathrooms sometimes when we needed to go. When the Secretions went on, we'd cluster next to the door and howl and hollar and do our best to let the guys know we were there and we were excited.

I'm proud of what we've been able to accomplish and I'm excited to see a new generation of young punkers who want to do the same. I think it's true that you can't change the world, but you know what? Fuck it. Just do what you can do and make sure that the people you care about KNOW you care. It's the little shit that really matters in the end.